I like to move, to be in motion. There’s something about sitting down or standing still that makes me feel like my life is stuck, like I’m stuck in slow motion, no motion, like my life isn’t progressing. That’s why I like to run and bike and walk and cook and why I like to get into the city and see other people moving. It makes me feel like I’m doing something, even if all I’m doing is getting out of the house for a moment.
This time of year, despite resolutions of trying harder and being better and scraping the last drop, I find myself more often than not trapped inside, unhappy with my day and my future prospects. What am I doing just sitting here staring at a screen? Why does my life feel so static? I make a to-do list to feel like I have things to accomplish, and instead I just stare at my list and wonder who is going to do these things. Is it the procrastinator in me that’s rebelling or is my list just not enticing enough?
So instead I decide to make a done list for today to remind myself what I have accomplished.
To Done list
successfully poached eggs (delicious!)
baked a blackberry custard tart
Then today while walking home with my groceries, I saw two people lugging their suitcases with them as they descended from the train and something occurred to me. Whether Bostonites returning home to their city or visitors from another state, I realized that to them in that moment I am just part of the motion of the city. I am part of the Green Line train carrying people to and fro, part of the people lugging their groceries home on a Saturday afternoon, and part of the just-trying-t0-make-it-through-the-day crowd.
Seeing these travelers, I was reminded of that feeling when you return to a city after a long time away. People go about their daily business as if before you arrived someone had just called “ACTION!” and the movie scene had just begun (except that this is real life and you’re walking in right in the middle of it.) Instead of people frozen in time where you last left them (as you expected), people have gone on living. You have to remind yourself that when you leave somewhere, lives continue. These places are only put on pause in our minds until we visit them again.
So what do you do in the doldrums of winter? In the doldrums of life when you feel static, motionless?
If nothing else, keep moving. Go for a walk, pace around your house, throw yourself a dance party (JT: DP, DP!) but just keep moving. If you’re moving, you’re still living and if you’re moving you have at least one big thing to be grateful for: life, whether it feels like thrill runs through your veins or not.
Sometimes you have to remind yourself, that despite those moments where life feels slow, I am part of the motion and then … keep moving.